New Hymn Book

I’ve got my hoofs on a page from the not-yet-released, oink, hymn book. 

Here’s one song, to be singed “with awesomeness”:

Because I have been giving much, they must invest,

Because of my great bounty might some day be less,

They will build a mall indeed,

They will give grief to those who plead,

Thus, shall their ph’lanx be plain-ly greed.  

And this wonderful heart stirring tune:

Put your money in the mall, shop along,

Do your duty with a bag full of blong (nineteenth century slang for “bling”)

We all must shop, buy that new shirt, so,

Put  Your  Moneyyyyyy Innnnnnn The Mallllll.

And then this one, to be singed “reflectively”:

Praise to the Ensign who invested our money!

Interest and Interest our monies will Grow!

Praise to their ge-he-nius, wast-ed not on the hungry,

feed them and what? your mo-ho-ney is gone.

Praise to Ensign! Invested our monies! [men]

    Peaks    Peaks     Peaks! [women]

Pray that the markets won’t cra-ha-ash this time.